he tells her he loves her every night before they go to sleep. he cuddles and kisses her the way he used to kiss me. he has been sleeping with her since june. he has been dating me since may. he was mine for a month.

it was stained sheets and text messages that gave it all away, that saw me driving home in tears. everything was a lie. every word out of his mouth. all the promises. he had been cheating on me for almost our entire relationship. why would he bother? its not like im an easy fuck. we broke up twice and got back together. our relationship became a huge amount of work and a lot of hurt. why didn't he just let me go? he could have walked away. left me.

i offered him more of a casual arrangement. he held me close and told me that he cared about me and wanted more than that.

he has gone back to his ex. a friend of mine who he was seeing for four months before we started dating. she is here from overseas and was devestated when they broke up so we thought it would only hurt her to tell her we were dating. she was going to be leaving in a few months so we thought we would just keep it a secret till she left. it wasn't easy when we were together. its unbearable now.

i sit there like any good girlfriend and listen to her tell me how the guy i love holds her at night, how he kisses her and how long they have been sleeping together. i smile and say nothing. i could tell her that he has cheated on us both, lied to us both. but then i remember how utterly heartbroken i feel every night when im alone in bed, how i can't stop crying, and hours spent wondering why he couldn't love me.

i smile and say nothing.